Jaime and I are looking for babes to hang out with (free drinks on idle Tuesdays), but we neither have the time nor will to be separated. She’s my bestie, my bottom bitch, road dog, possible mother of my children and I can’t bear to be apart from her. So we have…
If you know me IRL you probably have heard that I was devastatingly dumped just a short week ago. The last year that has been a complete snore has now come to an end and single season is upon me. My future holds nights of slutting it up with my homegirls and finally going on a date that involves neither my wallet nor an $8 burrito.
Alas, going through a breakup isn’t as easy as it sounds. New things are on my mind, real things, like finally contracting HPV or even worse, ignoring someone’s boring fucking stories on my first pathetic OKCupid date during a dinner they’ll probably use a Groupon for.
On the bright side, since discovering laxatives I finally have my 19 year old body back. The time to be dumped couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. My future holds Sunday Fundays, free cocktails, plenty of Gardasil, and babes babes babes. The only thing left on my mourning list is to come up with a perfect playlist.
Cuddle season is over for many, so please join me in saying ‘Goodbye’ and ‘Hellllooooooo’.
‘Single Ladies’ Beyonce
‘As if’ by Blaque
‘The Hardest Part of Breaking Up’ 2Gether
And for my tru single baddies XOXOXO ‘Murda Bizness’ Iggy Azalea
Here is my holiday card I letterpressed at Baltimore Print Studios. Sorry I wasn’t able to send more hard copies out this year, but NYE cards are coming soon!
